Everyone hates Ted

Photo by Gage Skidmore

Everyone hates Ted, I hate Ted, especially after his 2021 Cancun adventure while his fellow Texans were freezing their butts off but I digress. Let's listen to others who know Ted personally, which is all the reason more to detest this guy without reservation.

Senator Ted Cruz’s long career of narcissistically self-aggrandizing political stunts has won him few friends in politics. Actually, no friends.

These are the some of the most charitable remarks his fellow Republicans have said about him:

“I will never not hate Ted Cruz with a fiery passion,” said Senator Lindsey Graham. “Nothing he does or says could ever change the fact I’ve said before that if someone killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, no Senators would vote to convict the murderer. I’d even vote to confirm that person onto the Supreme Court because killing Cruz would exemplify such clear and sound judgment!”

This is about the best thing Graham has ever said without question. 

“Al Franken said it best when he said that he liked Ted Cruz more than most in the Senate, and that he hated Ted Cruz,” said Senator Ron Daniels. “Al Franken certainly liked Ted much more than I do! One time at a Republican caucus luncheon I saw Ted Cruz with spinach in his teeth, toilet paper stuck to his shoe, his pants zipper down, his shirt on inside-out, and a booger hanging from his nose… and I didn’t say a word to him about any of it!”

“I wish Ted Cruz would just stay in Cancun the next time he flies there during a Texan weather emergency,” said RNC spokeswoman Shelly Poitter. “I’d love it if the government would deport him to Mexico or Canada, except that releasing the bio weapon of mass annoyance that is Ted Cruz would likely be considered by those governments as an act of war.”

And last but not least ... :)

“The first moment I met Ted Cruz and he looked me in the eyes, I got my first hot flash of menopause,” said Senator Angela Lukeshire. “It’s like my body was so disgusted by his creepy, slimy, hair-raising presence that my ovaries did the menstrual equivalent of throwing up.”

Any questions? :)